Lovely little creature

What is it about religion that is so alluring to me?

Specifically Christianity.

i am agnostic. i have been that way ever since the galaxy birthed me from the dust (a lie)

but even so, I’ve always felt a strange enchantment towards christianity. I wonder why that is?

I’ve come to idolize the notion of being a christian, despite the fact that religion traumatized me in my childhood. Or, mayhaps it is precisely because of this trauma that I’ve to have such… silly feelings?

I never understood the fascination I had with nuns or Christianity, i simply rolled with it. But on one fateful day…

D4DJ Groovy Mix is a gacha rhythm game for mobile devices. It is objectively THE best mobile rhythm game I have ever played–and by that, i mean to say–It is the perfect rhythm game for ME. The visuals and sfx are amazing. The maps are challenging, especially because of the fact that one must manage and maneuver a mixing slider while simultaneously tapping the notes to the rhythm of the songs. You can scratch and “stop” the track by interacting with the discs on the deck. And there are a multitude of songs–not just the typical anime girl music, but OST and instrumental from other classic games. D4DJ Groovy Mix can be auto played. DJ while you work! DJ at the grocery store! DJ while you cheat on your husband!

A notable figure in the D4DJ community, to me at least, was an indie vtuber by the name of Athena Bambina. I will never forget the memories i have of her. The first memory that won’t leave my brain is the time when everyone in the D4DJ server was discussing/preparing for an upcoming Lyrical Lily event. (Lyrical Lily, often shortened to riririri or ri4, is my favourite D4DJ unit. The unit consists of 4 catholic school girls. No one is surprised.)

One server member in particular, a career tierer and fellow riririri enjoyer, planned on tiering for the event. This greatly upset Athena. She believed that this individual’s participation in the event meant that she stood no chance at obtaining a high rank. It upset her so much that she ended up taking a break from the game. She did some irl stuff. She touched some grass. Played other games. Spent time and cuddled with her boyfriend. She announced this to everyone. And everyone said ok.

This interaction (which took place over the course of a couple of days) was amusing to me. This Athena Bambina girl intrigued me. I went to her page one day to find her streaming. I tuned in, and what do you know? She was hosting a bible study with her community! This is most certainly not the specific bible study i happened to tune into on that day, but it’s a good enough example.

On that specific day when I tuned into her stream, I watched and listened as her followers slowly filtered into the chat and greeted one another. They exchanged greetings and well wishes. As Bambina read through the bible, followers in the chat filled each other in about their daily lives–especially their hardships and sorrows. Whenever a sorrow was brought up, everyone would take the time to give sympathies and offer words of encouragement, and prayer.

It was a very kind and wholesome thing to witness. 

I think that is what I wanted. 

This is what I saw in christianity!  

A community! A place to belong! To feel hope when I am hopeless! To be seen, heard, and understood. To feel supported by one another! 

… Do i simply want to have friends??

I discussed this with my friends once. One one of them told me, with a blasé affect, to simply do it myself. make up my own religion.

Make my own religion? Hmm…

Well I tried it. And I can’t go into the details because it was very boring and really cringey to try, to be honest.

But at least I made an attempt.

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 I find nuns hot. I don’t mean in the stupid “sexy halloween costume” way. Nuns are attractive just the way they are.

It kind of pisses me off that one can’t search for nsfw nun content without seeing results that are boiled down to “woman in slutty halloween costume”

NO!

Don’t do that!

The nun is gorgeous as is. She is beautiful, sacred, and amazing just the way she is. It’s like what they say about your puss-puss. it is a self-cleaning organ. There is no need to go out of your way to clean or douche. the same applies for nunnies!

You do not have to do ANYTHING to make the nun sexy. She is sexy on her own!!

Nothing is hotter than a nun wearing spats. I discovered this when the character Aponia from Honkai impact was released–or at least made playable. I dunno. i don’t fucking play that game.

It’d be nice if spats were made incorporated into the daily wear of all nuns. it would make me so happy.

I wish i had a nun gf. But that, in itself, is a conundrum. How cruel.

i often want to make games and tell stories about nuns or christianity, but i often feel barred from the task–on account of the fact that i’ve never read the bible. I truly know next to nothing about that book!

is it still valid to do such a thing? i once read someone’s feelings on this sort of thing. it boiled down to:

“If you are not X, you can still make content about X, but the focal point shouldn’t be X“

So, for example, if you aren’t gay, you can still definitely create content (write a story, make a comic, etc.) that contains gay characters, but the main theme or focus in your content should not be about the gay character. 

I think I understand and accept this, for the most part. Let’s say I am a total weab for Hawaii (๑>؂•̀๑). Seems like a beautiful, fun place from everything I’ve seen. Maybe I’d like to create an oc with hawaiian heritage. she’s just a side character in a story about… competitive snowball fights. sounds dope! But i don’t think i would ever feel comfortable enough to make a story that takes place in hawaii. can you imagine how stupid i’d look?? I don’t know the first thing about hawaiian customs and culture! I don’t even know what their air looks like! imagine that! i go making a webcomic about a team of competitive snowball fighters in hawaii–does that even make sense? does it even snow there??

And although it makes sense for people to not stake the main identity of their creations on topics or identities they know nothing about… i also believe that people should be free to do as they please, especially when it comes to artistic expressions… right? we should be free!? Holy hell i would love to feel free in expressing my passionate desire for nuns in my various creative endeavors!! and i will most definitely come off as IGNORANT, TONE DEAF FOOL for making such an attempt!

……… but i would have so much fun doing so🥺

Once in a blue moon, I read listen to books in the Sister Joan mystery series. So far, it is nothing mind-blowing. It is not too dull, for the most part. One day, i read a review in particular for one of the books in the series. The reviewer was quite upset because it was “obvious” that the author hadn’t the slightest clue of what life was like in a nunnery. that review gave me pause to think. that very well may be true… but… someone like me would never be able to tell the difference!

and so… despite the fact that the author of the Sister Joan has been writing tons of books on nuns with allegedly no clue as to what the nunlife is all about… they’re successful enough to have made a series. they have published books. they have made an earning from this. they did it anyways. because that is what they like. and in that regard–they are successful. 

sometimes, i’d like to do the same. to convey a story, even if i’m not so well-educated on the topic. in that hypothetical hawaiian snowball fighting competition idea, i may still come off as an idiot bc the characters are behaving/saying/doing things in a strange manner, simply because i’m unfamiliar with the hawaiian culture and their customs. but… i could still tell a gripping, booty-cheek-clenching story about the trials and tribulations of snowball fighting! A harrowing tale rife with the joys of victories, and the pain that comes with betrayal. There could be so many plot twists and fakeouts and yabbadabbadoo.

My readers might deem me ignorant because of the tacky hawaiian names i chose for the characters, and perhaps i am irritating because the characters are showing blatant disregard for their own culture because i was unaware of the fact that true hawaiians would never forget to kiss their pet pineapple before bed every night. But damn… at the very least, the people would be impressed with my ability to churn out suspenseful, dramatic, and heart-wrenching snowball scenes. 😎

“You like the bible because you have never read the bible”

That is what i have been told, at least. And I don’t disagree. I have no time to read that shit! Though i’m definiotely tempted. is there a dumbed-down version of the bible that isn’t so long and shakespearian? Maybe I’d read/listen to it then.

In the end, all I know is that i could never be a true christian.

because i have no desire

to read

the bible.