Lovely little creature

In my youth, I discovered this video by Ze Frank, “Fitting in Cardboard”

“When I was younger, I had this feeling that there was this handbook that I’d never gotten that explained how to be, how to laugh, what to wear, how to stand by yourself in the hallway.

Everyone else looked so natural. Like they’d all practiced together and knew exactly what to do. Even just the way that they’d push the hair out of their face.

My experience was pretty much the opposite…”

i couldn’t believe that someone else could sum up what it felt like for me to exist! not just that, but based on the amount of likes and comments, i couldn’t believe that there were so many who could relate.

i’m somewhat embarrassed to admit that i only recently-ish came to terms with the fact that it’s okay for me to be so different from others. This understanding, however, does not make the struggle any easier. Even now, i sometimes struggle with the desire to be “normal”.

Throughout the years, I engaged with a multitude of media. I watched the TV show Dexter. I listened to Mumkey Jones’ full reading of Elliot Roger’s manifesto. I watched a true crime youtuber tell the story of Issei Sagawa. I listened to Convenience Store Woman and Earthlings on audiobook.

These stories were all so incredibly relatable to me.

no, i don’t have a desire to harm or maim anyone. what these people/stories have in common is the feeling of “otherness”. the indescribable feeling of loneliness, emptiness, and sorrow you feel when you simply don’t know how to be a human like everyone else. To feel like your existence on earth was a clerical error. That you originated from elsewhere, born from some other substance, and were incompatible with this society.

fated to fail from the start.

that is why i’m a creature.

My first exposure to Aurora

I remember a small pocket of the internet went feral over this commercial. Acted like it was the most heart-wrenching and emotional thing they had ever seen. i didn’t really care much except for the song. I became obsessed and listened to it for a few weeks, though i never looked further into the artist.

Years later I rediscovered Aurora and heard the song A Different Kind Of Human. listening to this song was an awakening.

I guess you are a different kind of human
…
We have come here for you, and we’re coming in peace
Mothership will take you on (higher, higher)
This world you live in is not a place for someone like you
Come on, let us take you home

I felt seen.

acknowledged.

Understood.

This song encapsulates exactly how i feel at my core.

There’s nothing wrong with me. I’m just different. A different kind of human.

It all makes sense.

Aurora’s albums, Infections of a Different Kind (Step I) and A Different Kind of Human (Step II) hold a special place in my heart. Aurora is one of my top favourite artists of all time because she understands this ‘otherness‘.